


Sinking into Black Velvet

by godisthesun



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Enemies to Friends, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff, Force-Sensitive Leia Organa, Grey Rey, I just want them to take care of each other til the end of time, Jealousy, Mutual Pining, Possessive Behavior, Romance, Sexual Tension, Slow Build, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-23
Updated: 2019-07-03
Packaged: 2020-05-18 07:00:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19329490
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/godisthesun/pseuds/godisthesun
Summary: All Kylo had done was brush his knuckles against her thigh, an accident as he stood to move away from her. It wasn't even skin on skin contact; he wore his black leather gloves and she had thick winter trousers on, hiding her skin from the cold bite outside. There was no hidden intent to it, no purpose of him touching her. Rey reached out to make sure, and was met with his calmness, his thoughts distracted and definitely not about her.But she felt as though she was on fire. Her whole body was thrumming with raw energy and she felt her pulse everywhere, along her arms, behind her knees, in her neck, her ears. She felt soalive.Kylo turned to look at her. His face was blank, but his eyes made it difficult to breathe. His pupils were lust blown, intent on drinking her into him, dwarfing her like a black hole."If you feel alive from just that, you might combust if you entered my dreams."





	1. Chapter 1

It had been months since Rey had last seen Ben Solo in the flesh. Life had moved quickly, as it tended to now she had left the hell hole of Jakku. She would catch herself being picked up and dragged along with her new family of the Resistance like the grains of sand in the wind from her old home, her thoughts scattered and disjointed just like the desert itself. She would dissociate so much that now every time she saw Finn, or Poe, or Rose - _anyone_ \- they would start the conversation with an _are you okay?_ and a sympathetic smile like they knew what she was going through, like they knew how her heart was tearing into two or like they knew all of her problems and had gone through them their selves.

The Resistance was getting nowhere. Every day seemed harder than the last, their future dulling into a flicker of an old light with every day that Leia grew sicker and Rey couldn't make her own lightsaber. The other side of the war was either in the same none-moving state or their intel had died out just like their hope. The First Order had done nothing except draw back further into the black depths of space away from them, which Rey didn't mind at all. _The further away they are, the further you have to travel if you want answers, guidance, a companion who cared -_ Rey shut her mind down with such a force her head span.

Rey, a positive beam of sunlight, was now more of a dull _grey_ with a bitter taste in her mouth.

Her Force meetings with Ben had been few and far between over the past few months of her mentally spiralling into the middle ground of the Force. They had been turbulent every time - maddening anger, seething and biting at one another in sheer frustration and blind rage. It would always start the same; Rey calm, ready to talk, Ben always turning it into _why didn't you just say yes?!_

Rey had sat through another Resistance meeting that had gone nowhere. General Leia Organa was ill. Rey felt her presence in the Force dwindling into obsoletion every second. She knew the General, the only motherly figure Rey had ever had, was dying. _It would only be a matter of time,_ the wise woman had said to her, _until I'm out there with Luke, Han._

_Helpless. There's nothing you can do for her. The woman who gave you everything._

She couldn't understand how the last members of the Resistance could be planning their next missions and rallying support while Leia looked as sick as she did. _Could they not see she was nearly at her end? Could they not see we've had this meeting a million times already and we're stuck in the same cycle?_

Using the Force, she pushed her chair under the grand table after being dismissed, her whole body clicking onto autopilot as she let her feet carry her to her chambers. She was faintly aware of Poe and Finn behind her, their arms around each others shoulders as they walked. They were laughing, and she could feel their energies behind her bouncing as they nudged and guffawed, elbows clashing as people pushed past to run ahead of the trio. Orange and white uniforms of the pilots charged past, cheering and hooting as they hyped themselves up ready to do a supply run. The sounds faded away around her and she groaned, hurrying a goodbye to the boys behind her as she jogged the last few feet to her room.

She put the pin code in fast, nearly hitting the wrong numbers as she felt Ben's presence leaking through her reality, his black ink splashing around her as the world shifted under Rey's feet.

She fell back against her door, clicking shut behind her softly. She dropped her head back with a thunk and closed her eyes, not ready to see him yet.

_**You're going to have to open your eyes at some point.** _

"Get out of my head, Ben," She said quietly, bringing her arms up over her chest and holding her shoulders. "Please, just don't do this to me today."

She opened her eyes after a minute of silence to see him sat in front of her in a grand chair. She frowned at the sight of him in his full Warlord uniform. Her eyes rested to his head and her frown deepened. _That blasted helmet blocking such an expressive face._

 _ **Exactly,**_ Ben whispered to her. His voice was wrapped tightly with darkness and she felt it coiling inside of her in response. _**The helmet stays on when you're here now.**_

A memory trickled to her slowly, and she bristled as she felt Ben so strongly in her head, helping the memory to come to her quicker - it wasn't just a chair but a throne. He needed her to make that distinction, and as her face relaxed into realisation she felt his pride in his status; someone worthy to be on a throne. She pushed him out of her head, hard, a delayed reaction from him pushing memories at her after she had asked him to not be there.

The Ben who held her hand, the Ben who murdered his Master in cold blood for her, for them, for the _galaxy_ , the Ben who took on the fucking Praetorian Guard with her back to back and their blood sang with one another - it all felt so far away.

She couldn't trace the little burning of ember of light that hung under his surface anymore. It had been snuffed out just like the candles Rey had lit while she slept in her room.

The man before he now was no longer Ben.

He was positively _Kylo Ren._

She sighed at her thoughts, feeling her eyes water. Her back slid down the door as she fell into a heap, her head falling into her hands. How had Rey, hope of the Resistance fallen to this? A wanna-be Jedi without a lightsaber nearly crying on the floor in front of her arch nemesis sitting in his throne? _At least you still have enough light in you to find humour in this_ , she thought.

She lifted her head from her hands. She could feel his eyes, so heavy on her despite his helmet, and she knew she was meeting his stare. "At least we're not yelling at each other today. First time in what, four months?"

 _ **If you're asking for an argument all you have to do is carry on thinking of your so called General,**_ he spat, making her teeth grind together with his sheer force as he flooded her head with black. _**You're suffocatingly loud.**_

"Excuse me for not having a teacher!" She bit back, rising to her feet to march towards him. She halted in her steps as he boomed louder through her skull, shattering her determination.

_**You're the one who rejected me!** _

Before she had chance to respond, he had risen from his throne and was in front of her in an instant, towering over her and making the edges of the room crowd in on her - black surrounding her like the edges of sleep. He didn't scare her, not anymore, but the emotion rolling off him and causing her to feel so unbalanced was downright _terrifying_. It overwhelmed her and made her mouth dry, the Force bouncing between them so strong that she felt it seeping out of their bodies, filling and flooding her bedroom in thick, unbreathable air.

He was overwhelming her and she felt her defences break down in favour of keeping her consciousness, and right when Kylo reached for his saber, he disappeared from view.

If only the darkness around her disappeared with him.

 

**~**

 

Rey had vowed to herself to be stronger. To not let Kylo see her as weak as she was the last time, to refuse him from ever seeing her hugging herself, struggling to keep him from her mind.

It was the wake up call she needed, a heavy reminder on her shoulders that Kylo Ren was nothing but someone she may one day kill with her own hands. _Why did you ever think he'd be someone you'd want to stand with? Why were you blocking out the Force so much?_

Her disgust in herself was paralysing at first. The morning after her last meeting with him was exhausting both physically and mentally. She had cried most of the night away, watching moons fall in and out of her sight. Looking back, she was glad she had been so upset. It wouldn't have set her on the path of building herself back up and being greater than she was before.

She had thrown herself into training, _hard_.

When she wasn't in the courtyard of the base sparring with the other soldiers of the Resistance, she'd be miles away in the middle of forest, running, flying through the trees and swirling with her staff. Failing that, she'd be holed up in her room with her nose buried into books, reading texts from her time with Luke, soaking up whatever she could.

She felt so focused, she could feel the string of her fate and future ahead of her becoming stronger, no longer a tangled and tied mess; she could see it, touch it. She had grabbed it firmly in both her hands and was pulling herself along.  
Her new strength was exhilarating. She felt it in the steps she took, she felt it in the way she _ate_ , her hunger now never sated.

She was starting to feel her light bubbling, no longer just a low burn inside of her after blocking it out. She smiled more. It felt easier to be with Finn, Poe, Leia. Being in tune with the Force again was waking her up.

When Kylo Ren would appear, his anger and resentment became less and less overwhelming. She wasn't sure if it was because she was getting better at ignoring him or if his anger was slowly thawing out, but she decided not to linger too long on the thought of him. The action of the Force bond bringing him to her was still disorientating, something she was sure would always happen, but she found it more manageable. If anything, it gave her a nice warning - _build your walls just a few more bricks higher._ They settled into a routine of eyes meeting, sizing each other up - _checking they're both okay,_ something whispered in her - then turning their backs and going straight to ignorance.

It was no different now. In a mixture of needing confinement like her old AT-AT and not feeling up to being around her friends, she was in the loading bay, curled up in the pilot seat of her favourite little starcraft, reading about Kyber Crystals.

Closing her eyes against the sensation of the bond opening, she felt Kylo behind her.

It was the first time in weeks that she had heard his voice floating around her. It was unsettling.

"You feel strong."

It wasn't what she was expecting.

Disarmed by his comment, her hand released the first half of her book, letting it slam closed. She didn't feel it dropping against her other hand. She felt far away from everything. She stared straight ahead, Poe entering the loading bay and looking around catching her eye.

"I got sick of pitying myself."

Like their old meetings, the longer they stayed connected their bond grew stronger. She felt his surprise at her honesty, sensed that he was expecting her to ignore him or start yet another argument. Somewhere deep inside her, she enjoyed surprising him.

Struck by a sudden, deep urge to look him in the eye, she span her chair and their eyes met immediately. He had been watching her the whole time, she realised, their eye contact breaking as he searched her face. Their eyes didn't meet again. Rey did the same back to him, her eyes mapping his face, noting the sadness sinking into his cheeks, the loneliness around his lips.

"What are you reading?" He asked, curiosity seeping through and sinking into her skin.

A million thoughts fired through her brain. _After everything, that's what he asks?_

"We're not doing this, Kylo," She said firmly. She felt him register her calling him Kylo, deep possession swirling inside of him, then embarrassment, even shame - he hated that she felt what he was feeling. "I'm not telling you what book I'm reading, nor should you even care to ask."

Seething anger engulfed her before he slammed her out, cutting the bond firmly. The last thing Rey saw was his face of thunder, anger and betrayal before she was left alone again.

The guilt manifested itself into hands as it pressed down on her.

She was quick to shove it off, defending herself, keeping herself safe and protected as she always has. _Don't feel bad for him. He's your enemy, not someone you should be getting book recommendations from._

As she jumped down out of the small aircraft, hugging her book to her chest, smiling as Poe and his gang of pilots waved her over, she wondered if he was meant to be her enemy, why was the image of his open face turning into one of betrayal from her words glued to her mind and shredding her stomach into thousands of pieces?

Then it hit her. She was on her way to find Finn and Rose when she realised. Her eyes watered, responding to her emotions before she could make sense of them, and she held her hand over her mouth, ducking into an empty corridor of the Resistance base to hide from anyone who might see her. She fell back against the wall and pressed her hand tighter against her mouth, stopping a sob from escaping. His words echoed in her head: _**t**_ _ **he helmet stays on when you're here now.**_

Was he trying to make amends? Offering his face to her, trying to make conversation from anything outside of them and the war - 

Rey, a Scavenger of Jakku, was crying over a Dark Prince responsible for so much death.

And the thought started eating her alive.

 


	2. Chapter 2

Rey wasn't surprised she struggled to sleep that night. Her brain wouldn't calm down, _couldn't_ calm down.

  
She had managed to speak to Leia. Rey couldn't decide if that had made it worse or better.

  
After an hour of endless movement in her bed, her eyes wide open like she was a creature of the night, she had crept through the halls of her new home, silently feeling with the Force for anyone awake. She wasn't fond of the idea of somebody seeing her only in her nightwear. Satisfied with the firm lack of anyone conscious around her, she straightened her posture, sinking her hands into her pockets as she allowed herself to relax into a slow pace, hoping it would sink away her anxieties and burn off the energy thrumming dangerously against the surface of her skin.

  
She found herself in the Command Centre. She inhaled sharply, the sensation of Leia's Force signature singing towards her. Rey had conjured the thought of Leia being Force sensitive as soon as she learned of her family, and a pleasant glow of confirmation ran against her skin like grains of sand between her fingers. She was in front of the General's office door before she had chance to blink. The door was slightly ajar, a warm light kissing her skin, running alongside the pleasant glow. She knocked gently, the action opening the door slowly.

  
When she entered the room, the datapad in front of Leia blank, her eyes meeting Rey's immediately, a crawling feeling of anticipation tickled her shoulders and ran down her spine.

  
Rey sank into the chair opposite hers heavily, rubbing her temples and her eyes with the base of her palms. Her face was a blotchy mess of red raw skin as she pulled her hands away, watching as Leia fed her a sad, understanding smile.

  
Relief washed over Rey. The crawling feeling disappeared.

  
_Of course she knew._

  
There were no words said between the pair, the look from the old woman in front of her enough. It was as though Leia had been in the ship with them.

  
"Boys are tricky," Leia had said, after a long silence. She had gone back to looking at her datapad, and Rey was too tired to try and look at what she was doing on it. There was an emotion lacing her voice that Rey didn't understand. "They claim to know what they want, but it's never that simple."

  
Rey had smiled, dropping her hands into her lap, her gaze with it. She fiddled idly with the two drawstrings of her trousers.

 

"I'm bad at reading people. I mess up a lot."

 

Leia laughed and Rey felt the General's eyes back on her. "Unfortunately, Rey, men are the same. It's going to be difficult to work out, but you'll get there."

 

Rey's shoulders fell. _Don't be disappointed. It was what we came here for, wasn't it? Someone to listen? Care?_

 

It was as though Leia could hear her.

 

"You're not bad at reading people, Rey," Leia said, her arm reaching out, her palm open and inviting just like her voice. She was encouraging her, reassuring her, building her up.

 

Rey didn't hesitate like she did with her son. She took her hand eagerly, her body lurching forwards and she greedily gripped her firmly like a lifeline.

 

Leia's sympathetic smile grew bigger, warmer. "Use your instincts. Listen to the voice inside your head, feel for the Force. _Trust_ it."

 

**~**

 

  
It had been hours now since she had been with Leia.

  
_Why do you feel so bad for refusing to speak to him like he were a friend?_

  
She closed her eyes in a weak attempt to focus, relax, and swung her legs out from underneath the thin, tatty blanket from her bed. Her bare feet hit the stone ground, the cold running up her legs and up to her neck. She pulled her arms into her chest as though protecting herself from a cold wind.

  
_You feel bad because you want him to be a friend._

  
She shook her head, dismissing the nasty bite of the voice in the back of her mind. Her eyes opened, her gaze locking onto her own reflection in the mirror directly in front of her on the opposite wall. She looked so sad. _So sad and alone._

  
She rose to her feet. She picked up her blanket and brought it around her shoulders, holding it in place over her heart. She walked slowly towards the mirror, frowning as she watched herself walk. It was only a large shard of glass almost the same shape as a lightning bolt, hung precariously on an old nail, but it was the only mirror Rey had owned where she could see her entire body in it.

  
She was only wearing light cotton sleepwear due to the climate of the Resistance's current base being wildly unpredictable. It was hard to tell what season it was, the weather fluctuating so sharply and swinging between heavy rainfall with cold chills to what felt like never ending sunlight and heat, the latter holding an eerie similarity to her old home of Jakku.

  
Her vest was made of two thin straps leading to a plunging neck, her midriff on display before falling into her waistband of her basic three quarter trousers, a rough hem as though they had been roughly cut by someone in a rush. Her clothes were dark green in colour, and Rey loved it. Not only did it complement her skin tone so nicely, it made her think of thick forests, trees so high it'd hurt her neck to look at. It made her imagination run free.

  
The past few months had been kind to her in certain ways - she no longer had to worry about her next meal and her body was beginning to show it. It was only subtle, changes that she was sure only she could see, but it made the corners of her mouth lift slightly as she poked at her hips and ribs, her bones no longer an ache that she felt in her fingertips long after she stopped touching her own skin. She released her hold of her blanket, her index finger of each hand tracing the outside of her collar bones, then falling to gently ghost the valley of her breasts, then the swell of them, then back up to her collar bones. She repeated it, the sensation of such light touch comforting her, relaxing her.

  
She started to notice other things then, the things that the past few months _hadn't_ been kind to her with. The beginnings of her smile faded quickly. She looked at the way her face was starting to sink in; her eyes were hollow, almost lifeless, and concerned lines between her eyebrows showed the whole planet that she had too much to think about. She hated it. All her life she only had herself, she wasn't used to the constant buzzes of concern for her health and her moods.

  
She didn't like that her own face was betraying her, begging for people to say _you look so tired, why don't you go rest?_

  
She didn't want that.

  
_Or do you? Someone to ask how you are. Someone to care for your answer. To listen and make it better._

  
Her fists clenched. Once, twice.

  
She was tired. Beyond tired, _exhausted_. It had buried through her skin and nested in her blood and bones. She hadn't slept right since Crait, but since Kylo had kicked her out of his head, closing their bond, seeing his face a storm of every negative emotion _because of her_ , her usual routine of waking up multiple times throughout the night didn't happen - her body hadn't let her rest even for a second as though punishing her.

  
It was as though the universe wanted to throw everything that had happened to her in her face. Make her squirm, make her uncomfortable, make her _hurt_. It was as though the Force was listening for when her thoughts finally fell back onto him.

  
Her hands stilled on her chest.

  
She felt stupid, angry, upset, and so _so_ betrayed by her own body.

  
How had she not felt him? How could she not feel that volatile energy around her, falling down her throat and filling her lungs so toxically?

  
Kylo Ren was sat in the corner of her room, his eyes _locked_ onto her.

  
Her voice was thick and heavy, her eyes watering as she spoke. "How long have you been here?"

  
He didn't reply. She turned to look at him, swallowing to stop herself from speaking again, and then found herself gasping for air.

  
She felt so hot, a bead of sweat already rolling down her neck.

  
She tapped into the Force to throw the blanket from around her shoulders and to fill her lungs with air, her frantic and scattered thoughts making her throw fall short of her bed and it land only several inches to the right of her.

  
Something scratched behind her stomach and she groaned, one hand resting over her bare skin of her midsection and the other over her chest, trying to rub away the discomfort. She heard Kylo start breathing louder, the sound engulfing her. She was so _attuned_ to him.

  
She closed her eyes, reigning herself in and trying _so hard_ to calm down.

  
She knew it was Kylo's mood sinking into her and trapping her now she had realised he was here, the small working part of her brain slotting that bit of information away to think about another time.

  
_Focus on breathing, focus on being calm. You'll be okay soon._

  
Time ticked away, and she finally felt herself calm, her breathing normal and heart slowing. She gathered her remaining energy to walk to her bed, falling down onto it heavily, bouncing slightly as she landed.

  
Her eyes fluttered to Kylo. He was still watching her.

  
He seemed calmer, though, the energy around him retreating back away into him. She took the time to drink in the way he was sat; his body leaning away from the chair and towards her, his legs spread widely with one arm between his knees hand dangling into a fist, the other hand holding onto his forearm. He looked both tightly wound and relaxed.

  
"I've been here long enough to watch you touch yourself."

  
The heat and sweat came back instantly. Her legs were like springs as she launched herself off her bed, moving into the middle of the room and standing with her back to him.

  
_You can hide your face from him but he can feel everything you can. Grow up._

  
She inhaled sharply at her own logical thought as though it was offensive, twirling to look at him like he had said it, not her. Rey clenched her teeth. She hated that he had access to her feelings, the ability to read her so easily.

  
His face was devoid of an expression, but she could sense the essence of the black around him. It had swallowed him whole.

  
Then she realised.

  
Rey reeled back as though physically struck when she identified what she was being attacked with.

  
Pure _filth_.

  
Her throat tightened and a tremor wracked her body. Her mouth was dry and if she was struggling to breathe, how could she act on the need to comfort him, tell him _its okay, its biology, I understand you!_ Even if she could, she realised belatedly she probably wouldn't. _What right do you have to comfort him? Why would you_ want  _to comfort him?_

  
She couldn't move. Couldn't look away. She knew he was stuck, too, his hand releasing from its fist, his lips slightly parted. It also meant he couldn't hide his face when his eyes widened as he watched her mind work and catch up to itself. She knew he caught her need to reassure him. _Had his pupils always been so big?_

  
Her mind was slated to nothingness as it overtook everything in and around her - _he_ liked _watching her poke and prod and stroke her bones, he liked it, he liked it, he liked it -_

  
Nothing.

  
Kylo Ren had disappeared from her room, the energy fading slowly after he had gone.

  
It took three hours for the waves of something positively _Kylo_ to vanish. It took three hours for Rey to calm down. It took three hours for Rey to breathe.

  
She didn't sleep for a second.


End file.
